


Kakashi's World

by JewelQueen



Series: Fics From Turbohell for Being Homophobic (aka XPosts from my FFN) [10]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Absolute Pure Crack Trash, Attempt at Humor, CRACK TREATED AS CRACK, Crack, Early 2000 humor, Early in Canon, Even Though There is No Canon Here, Everyone OOC, Humor, M/M, My Immortal Vibes, No Plot/Plotless, Overuse of the word cool, Throw This Back In the Trash Where it Belongs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27729604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewelQueen/pseuds/JewelQueen
Summary: In which I dream up of a fic in which Kakashi dreams up what a perfect world for himself would accurately look like...emphasis on accurately, obviously.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Fics From Turbohell for Being Homophobic (aka XPosts from my FFN) [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023406
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Kakashi's World

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a major XPosting (see series name); originally written ~2009, completed, some edits
> 
> I warned y'all about the cringe and now here it comes--highly recommended that you are aware of 2008-level internet humor choices if you proceed. Dedicated to AtomicShadowKitten on FFN (I don't know her username here if she has one), since she absolutely loved Kakashi--which means I have to completely ruin him for her XD

Hatake Kakashi was cool. He was extremely cool. In fact, he was the very definition of cool since you could look him up in the dictionary to find his picture--although some rabid fan of his might have already cut it out. Actually, he was so cool that it had to be spelled kewl so that the other cool people (though way below Kakashi's level) could feel better about their coolness. And everyone knew this.

From the way he walked and talked down to his very last actions, he was cool. His reading Icha Icha Paradise was cool, his one-eye shown was cool, his mask was cool. Even his gravity-defying hair was cool!

And it just so happened on one rainy day, Kakashi woke up at the exact time he needed to be if he was going to be late. He didn't yawn or stretch, his body was too cool to need to warm up like that, and exited his home through a window. Only cool people of his level were allowed to use windows as doors.

As soon as he set foot outside, the sun shone through. (Cool people aren't rained on, after all). The moon tried to get in his good graces, too, by popping up here and there only slightly visibly as it was day time, after all. The sun got angry and pushed the darkest clouds there were to hide the moon and cover it. And somewhere over in Sunagakure, a pouty, little, red-head was shaking his fist and the sky and yelling, "Curse you, Hatake Kakashi!"

"You're late!" Greeted him by two of his very uncool students. He almost sighed--(audibly sighing was for uncool people)--he had a lot to teach his class. The girl, Haruna Sakura continued their train of thought, "Why are you always so late?"

It was perhaps one of the coolest, though sadly, unaware, thoughts she would ever have. Kakashi sat on a small pole and began what would be an actually literally cool class. "It's time I tell you how to be cool." He stated, very aware of the greedy stars that popped up in all of their eyes. Especially Uchiha Sasuke's, since he was going to be his clan's avenger and that took a lot coolness to achieve. Not to mention, it gave you a temporary boost of honorable coolness if Kakashi-sensei himself gave you a tip or two on how he achieved his coolness level. Though some say he was pretty much born with it. That was why he couldn't take off his mask, it was too cool for people to see underneath and cause blindation by coolness.

"I am late because it is cool. Haven't you heard the term 'fashionably late'?" He gave them time to nod and write down what he spoke. "Well...it was named after me."

"Yeah!" Uzumaki Naruto cheered with a fist in the air. "If I start being late to everything then I will get enough coolness to become Hokage and be really cool like you, believe it!"

"And I'll be cool enough for Sasuke to like me!" Sakura cheered, blushing slightly.

"Hold your celebration. There are two things wrong with that: 1, you aren't cool enough and 2, you aren't cool enough." Sakura and Naruto bowed their heads in shame. Sasuke's eye twitched.

"You said the same thing." He pointed out.

"Cool people like me can do that." Kakashi explained.

"What's wrong with us?" Sakura asked, tears spilling out of her eyes.

"Why can't we be cool enough like you?" Naruto added, also in the same condition.

"Well, for starters, all three of you aren't cool enough." He said.

"WHAT!" They all yelled.

"Naruto, you've worn that hideous orange jumpsuit for so long that, even if you stopped wearing it right now, you still wouldn't be cool." Naruto made a growling noise and squinted his eyes. "Sakura, you obsess too much over everything--especially Sasuke. And Sasuke, while you have the most potential, you still aren't cool enough."

"How so? I'm the best in my class and I'm going to avenge my clan!"

"That hasn't been done yet," Kakashi gently reminded him. "Plus, you need a hot, gorgeous girlfriend like I have." From out of nowhere and nothing, a busty, blond babe 'poof'ed by his right side.

"I can have a girlfriend if I want--I can have any girl here in this village!" Sasuke challenged.

"Oh, did I say a girlfriend? I meant five." Three more busty, blonde babes and one red-head surrounded Kakashi. "And even if you manage to find one hot, gorgeous girlfriend like I have, she's my girlfriend first. Face it, who would want you when they could have ultra-sexy, cool me? Right, Sakura?"

"Me?" She squeaked and then fainted at Kakashi's wink. Sasuke twitched his eye again while Naruto tried to revive her.

"One day, Kakashi, one day I will become more cool than you!" He yelled.

Kakashi chuckled and turned around. "Come on, ladies, time for a stroll." They released cool giggles and layered themselves on him in a cool fashion.

Of course, who should appear on their walk none other than Umino Iruka carrying a bag of groceries. Which he dropped like he had never bought them in the first place when he saw Kakashi, immediately falling to his knees to beg.

"Please, Kakashi, wonder of coolness, take me!" His girlfriends all made cool but sad faces at the school-teacher.

"Iruka, I told you, I'm too cool to be gay and especially with you." Kakashi said.

"Then be slightly bi, just once! It doesn't matter anyways since everything you do is cool," Iruka pleaded.

Kakashi shrugged. "That's true. But still the answer is no." Kakashi helped him up (because that was a cool thing to do) and started to leave. He already knew that Iruka would swoon and get starry-eyed because he was touched by Kakashi and then shout, "I love you, Kakashi-sama!" But at least it would hold him off for awhile.

Once they were inside Kakashi's home (him through the window and the women by the door), he directed the night's events. "Time for fighting practice. Me verses all of you, losers must go against each other. No hands allowed, only tongues. Begin."

And then Kakashi woke up, his arm wrapped around a warm body. He snuggled closer to it and it laughed, rolling out from underneath him. He picked up his head to see who dared move away from him; that was so uncool of them.

"Nice to see you are finally up, Kakashi..." Kakashi groaned and laid his head back down. He knew that voice, it was his dolphin's voice. And that meant it was all a dream...

Iruka slid on top of him and whispered in his ear. "Now you get to find out how _cool_ I really am."

...On second thought, he's pretty okay with it all being just a dream.


End file.
